From The Desk of Maverick Brenton.
Subject: The Best Ways To Be A Miserable Sack of Shit.
**Hello Gentlemen.
Today Our Subject Is How To Be Miserable.**
How jolly.
We’re not talking about how to be happy and fulfilled and healthy.
Nope.
We are talking about how to master the art of making yourself feel like absolute shit.
There are plenty of ways to be miserable – plenty.
The following article contains eight of those ways.
Eight ways that I have tried and tested myself.
You have my personal guarantee that they all work and they work very well..
If you do them, say goodbye to the smiles and say hello to misery.
Here Are Eight Ways To Be Miserable:
1) Compare Yourself To Other People
Don’t compare yourself to who you were yesterday and never run your own race if you want to be miserable.
When you compare yourself to yourself and you begin to see your improvements – they make you very happy and fulfilled, no matter how small they are.
So..
You must avoid this at all costs if you want to be miserable.
Instead of comparing yourself with who you were yesterday - you must compare yourself with everyone else.
You MUST measure your success and self-worth based off how well you rank up against everyone else in the world.
This is very easy to do also - it takes zero effort!
You don’t need to know the person you are comparing yourself with.
You don’t need to have any form of relationship with them at all.
All you need to do is look at them and all their toys and everything they have that you don’t have and then you are sure to feel like dogshit.
Make sure you download Instagram and spend all your free time looking at the fake bullshit that will make you feel even more insecure and useless.
Never mind that they are nothing more than highly enhanced images on a **small electronic screen.
**
Get addicted to looking at them all and get addicted to comparing yourself with everyone who appears to be doing better than you.
This is a brilliant way to spend your time if you want to feel like shit.
Instead of taking some quiet time to write down what you are grateful for and learning to build your self-awareness – just keep searching for other people to measure yourself against.
I guarantee that no matter who you are - you will find someone who is better than you in some way.
If you want to be miserable you must never run your own race and strive to meet your own potential because this leads to feeling happy.
Always compare yourself to other people instead because this is a very effective strategy for feeling miserable.
2) Aim To Please Everyone
Never Put Yourself First.
That is the worst thing you could do if you want to be miserable.
Instead, you must aim to please everybody because nothing could be worse than someone being unhappy with you.
Forget about what is best for you.
Forget about what you truly want.
Forget about YOU.
Become a fucking doormat for the world to walk on and spend all your time apologising for not being flat enough.
When we put our well being first and we aim to take care of US before anyone else – we make progress, we become happier people and we build better lives.
That’s exactly why you can’t do this if you want to be miserable.
Anytime someone wants something from you or they want you to do something – just say yes.
Always say yes.
Even if it is bullshit and they are taking advantage of you – just say YES.
Never say NO and never put yourself first because you’ll be happier if you do this.
No matter who they are or what they do – just aim to please absolutely everyone even if it is not good for you.
If you don’t please everyone, somebody might get mad at you.
Who wants to upset people right?
Don’t call people out on their bullshit.
Don’t stand up for yourself.
Don’t put yourself first.
Don’t take care of yourself.
Just fucking please everyone.
You are guaranteed to end up miserable.
3) Never Be Grateful
If you want to be miserable - being grateful is something you must avoid AT ALL COSTS.
Even a little bit of gratitude can cheer you up and fill you with positive thoughts and emotions.
Who wants that?
You want to be miserable.
That’s why you should never be grateful for anything in your life.
Forget the fact that you have running water, food, safety, security and the freedom to become whatever the hell you want.
None of that matters.
You don’t have all the “things” you want, so why should you be grateful for the little miracles that happen around you every single day?
You shouldn’t if you want to be miserable.
Instead, just focus on everything you do not have and never pay attention to what you do have.
Always look to the horizon.
Never look around and be grateful for what you have.
Appreciation and gratitude are the sworn enemies of misery.
So..
You must avoid these things at all cost because as soon as they come into your life - you are going to be less miserable.
That’s why you need to run as far away from them as possible.
Honestly.
The moment you start to feel grateful for how easy and amazing life in the modern world is – slap yourself in the face and go watch a horror movie before you start to feel better.
If you want to be miserable – forget gratitude.
4) Be Unhealthy!
Being Fat and Out of Shape Is a Truly Fantastic Way To Fuck Your Life.
When you exercise and you eat real food – you feel awesome.
Your body changes right before your eyes.
You have more energy.
You sleep better.
You become more confident.
Who wants any of that shit?
You want to be miserable - not happy!
Being a lazy and unhealthy fat ass who eats pringles all day long and cannot do a single pull-up is a very effective way to be miserable.
Really.
Nothing beats it.
If you are out of shape and unhealthy - you will feel like shit almost ALL THE TIME.
How great is that?
Lifting weights and getting a sweat on is one of the best ways to improve your mood and boost your spirit – it feels damn good to get in the gym and pump some iron while listening to music.
When you finish, you get a rush of endorphins and you feel amazing.
Your body feels more mobile.
You become stronger all over.
Everything gets better when you exercise and eat right.
Which is exactly why it is outlawed if you want to be miserable.
Don’t even think about fixing your diet and joining a gym.
Fuck no.
Open another bag of Doritos and watch another six hours of Netflix instead.
5) Be Lonely!
Not only will this make you miserable but it will increase your chances of fucking dying so obviously this had to be on the list.
Being lonely is not fun.
It sucks and it sucks a lot – especially for men.
If you want to be miserable, forget about making friends and surrounding yourself with good people who lift you up.
That will make you feel really good.
We’re not trying to feel good remember?
Being miserable is really easy when you are lonely.
You will feel empty and depressed all the time because you are cut off from people.
You have no connection to anyone.
If you combine being lonely with any of the other ways to be miserable - you are going to be walking on thin ice.
When you’re lonely – everything is dull, you become numb and life is sucked dry of all it’s excitement and enchantment.
You see no point to your existence.
So..
You consider ending your existence and this is what many people do.
You feel like you are trapped on an island out in the middle of the ocean and nobody knows you exist.
Being lonely is not nice.
It is guaranteed to make you miserable.
If you want to be miserable – just be lonely.
Your life will have no meaning.
You will have no excitement.
Shit will be tough.
It will feel like a rainy day that never goes away and you will want to kill yourself.
6) Work A Job You Hate
Forget trying to find what you love to do.
Forget finding what fills your heart with joy.
That is what happy people do.
Work is a huge part of our lives and a very important part too – so make sure you pick something that makes you feel like squashed dogshit.
In fact - you don’t even need to pick your work.
Let someone else tell you what work is best for you - then you are sure to end up doing something you hate.
It works like a charm for feeling miserable all the time.
Even when you’re not at work, you will feel terrible.
Why?
You know you have to go back to doing what you hate doing - it’s always on your mind.
You’re never truly free.
You’re a slave living inside a prison cell with imaginary bars.
You will live for the weekends.
The clock will run your life.
Every day you will wake up without purpose and without passion.
You will work away to make someone else rich while you throw away your most precious asset – YOUR TIME.
YOU WILL GIVE AWAY PIECES OF YOUR LIFE TO MAKE SOMEONE ELSE RICH.
That is exactly what you are doing when you work a job you hate.
You are trading your valuable time for little pieces of paper and feeling miserable while you do it.
Makes a lot of sense doesn’t it?
This is how most people spend their lives.
Time does not wait for anyone and when you waste it – it is gone forever.
So..
Forget spending your time learning who you are.
Forget finding YOUR thing – just do what everyone else is doing and go get a good job.
You will be miserable even though you pretend you’re not.
You will spend your life wearing a mask.
This is the most popular way to be miserable because almost everyone seems to do it.
7) Let Money Master You
Nothing is going to bust your balls and stress you out more than being a slave to money.
If you want to be miserable and stressed – bend over and let your money ride you like you are it’s bitch.
It will enslave you and ruin your entire life if you don’t use it properly so you must never learn how money works or how to use it properly because if you do that - you will become free.
When your money is your master – you feel out of control all the time.
You are constantly thinking about money.
Everything becomes about money.
Money runs your life and when money runs your life – you become miserable.
Don’t learn anything about it.
Don’t have any savings.
Don’t pay any attention to money at all.
Just act like a child on Christmas Day and do whatever your emotions want you to do.
If you want to be miserable, make sure you don’t become the master of your money.
Allow money to master you instead.
Borrow money for bullshit.
Waste all your spare cash on bullshit.
Live for tomorrow.
You will work your entire life and you will never know what it feels like to have money working for you.
8) Have A Massive Ego
Behold the greatest way to fuck up everything in your life and make people dislike you.
Have a massive ego and think you are Jesus Christ.
This will ensure that you are never truly at ease and relaxed.
You won’t be able to have a deep conversation with people because you will always be on the lookout for attacks against your glass castle.
You will be unable to connect with people because all you can think about is YOU.
You won’t be able to learn anything because you will think you know everything.
Improving yourself will be very difficult because you will think you’re fucking perfect.
Your relationships will suffer because you’re always right and everyone else is always wrong.
Having a massive ego will prevent you from living a deep life.
You will be stuck inside your head.
You will be close-minded.
You will be miserable.
A massive ego is the poison of true growth and progress.
It is hard to pay attention and learn when all you can think about is yourself.
Having a big ego also makes you a big target.
It makes you weak.
It makes you miserable.
It will fuck up your life.
If you want to be miserable – have a huge ego.
Filed under · Motivation
