From The Desk of Maverick Brenton.
Subject: Confronting Your Problems.
It could manifest itself as a very vague feeling of anxiety or discomfort.
It could poke away at you throughout your day like a small child who is hungry and will not leave you alone until you feed it.
It might haunt you in the night when you’re trying to sleep and there’s nothing left to distract you.
Distractions are an evil thing.
They hide you from yourself.
They serve one single purpose:
Stealing your focus.
So What Am I Talking About?
What’s going to haunt you in the night and annoy you like a hungry child?
Before I tell you that – let me tell you a little story I have.
It’s a good story and a true story and a story about a time in my life.
A time when I never asked myself the question I’m going to share with you soon.
So..
I was living on the cold mountains, in a little town high up on those mountains that went by the name of Bowral.
It was a beautiful little world filled with lovely parks and shops and cafes and incredibly built homes.
Bowral is a very wealthy town and is filled with many retired old folk from the nearby city known as Sydney.
The house I stayed in was a very interesting house filled with very interesting people and a very interesting landlord whom I disliked yet somewhat admired at the same time.
In this house, there were many people from every culture and every country.
It was a boarding house for both long term and short term lodgers.
We had French people and Chinese people and Indian people and everyone in between.
There was a dog in this house, too.
Her name was Bella.
She was very cute and very fluffy and would leave her hair all over the house which I hated at first but eventually forgot about.
She was a lovely animal with a nice smile and pretty eyes.
I lived upstairs.
I had a room and it was a nice room, with a nice view and a nice bed and a nice quiet spot in the house.
Here is where the problem begins.
You see..
My room was not really a room.
I told myself it was a room because I was a liar.
It was in fact half a room, for there was a wall missing from my room and instead of a wall, there was a barricade of cupboards and bookshelves with a large cotton sheet thrown over them.
This very creative barricade separated my room from my landlords office which was right next to my room.
You could see into his office if you jumped just a little.
If you’re smart like I certainly wasn’t, you can probably see the problem already.
I knew this was going to be a problem from the beginning - having his office joined to my room and separated by nothing more than a barbaric pile of shit with a sheet thrown over the top.
Yet..
I didn’t face this issue.
I avoided it because I didn’t want to face it.
The landlord assured me that he would not be in his office when I was in my room.
I knew this little spoken agreement of ours would not last longer than a minute.
Sure enough, in the coming weeks – he was in his office while I was in my room.
I didn’t mind this most of the time but when you want to be alone and read and think and write and somebody is on the other side of a small wall, right next to you, typing away on a computer – it gets annoying.
It gets very annoying.
So What Did I Do?
Nothing.
I did nothing.
I avoided it.
Time went by and it got worse.
Common sense could tell you that.
People will take more and more and more until you put your foot down and make your boundaries clear.
It’s very important that you have boundaries with people – don’t let them walk on you because they will if they can.
People just work like that and many of them only think about what they want.
Do You Understand This?
Most people don’t give a damn about you and they only care about themselves.
That’s just the way of the world.
Accept it and choose not to be like that because it’s a shallow and unpleasant way to live your life.
You’re no better than they are if you choose to live like they live and act like they act - be a good person and care for others instead
It will make your life richer and more meaningful and you will be happier.
Don’t let other people bring you down - accept them as they are and stay away from them if they are not good people.
Getting back to my story..
From what I’ve seen in my own life, if you can’t bite back, you’re going to get bitten.
If you can bite back – nobody will get bitten and everything will usually be fine.
I didn’t bite back.
I avoided the problem and the problem got worse.
We ended up in an enormous argument and I was going to throw him head first out the top floor window.
I didn’t though, thankfully.
I just threw some shit around because I had other issues in my life that I was AVOIDING also.
So it all built up and exploded in my face which is exactly what happens when you AVOID problems.
I almost got arrested that day.
He was going to call the police on me for losing my shit.
The only reason he didn’t was because he told me he respected my efforts in educating and improving myself.
He knew I was passionate about reading and learning.
My books saved my ass I suppose.
I’m grateful for that – it was a close call.
I could have really screwed up my life, all because I AVOIDED my problems until they exploded in my face.
Before we get to the question – who is at fault here?
I suppose I could blame the landlord.
I could do that and it would make sense.
But..
I don’t do that and I won’t do that because I’m not a victim.
It was my fault.
I knew there was a problem from day one and I did NOTHING about it.
It was plain obvious that this little agreement would not work.
I KNEW it would not work and I avoided accepting this.
You see..
The thing with problems is, when you ignore them and pretend they don’t exist..
They don’t go away..
No..
They grow.
They get bigger and you end up doing something stupid like I almost did.
This Leads Me To The Question:
What Are You Avoiding?
Really.
Ask yourself.
If you feel anxious or troubled or angry or whatever – you’re probably avoiding something.
If you are a human being your probably avoiding something because avoiding things is what we do best.
Facing what we are avoiding is what we SHOULD do but don’t do.
Why?
Well, it’s hard.
We don’t like doing hard things.
But..
You can’t avoid your problems and you shouldn’t avoid them because it will ruin the quality of your life.
It will slowly eat away at you from the inside.
It will always be on your mind.
You see.
You cannot sit in a room and meditate all your problems away into the nothingness.
Life does not work like that.
When you sit in a room and try to meditate your problems, your anxiety and your dissatisfaction with life away – do you know what happens?
Nothing dipshit.
Nothing happens because you’re sitting on the floor doing nothing to solve the actual problem.
You might become a little calmer and clear your mind but that WILL NOT solve the problems in your life.
Solving the problem is the ONLY THING that will solve the problem.
You can meditate all day but as soon as you stop, your problems will still be slapping you in the back of the head because you have not turned around and faced them yet.
People will find every conceivable excuse there is to avoid facing their problems.
We all do it.
Every single one of us.
We will rationalise and reason and literally run from what needs fixing.
If you are miserable all the time and you feel terrible - maybe what you need is not meditation or gratitude or some self-help book written by a Zen Master that lives on a mountain in Thailand.
Maybe, just maybe - what you need is to be honest with yourself and actually admit what is bothering you.
You will know what it is, trust me.
You’re just afraid to say it.
Maybe you need to ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING ABOUT THE PROBLEM.
That is how you will start fixing your life.
You could hate your job, yet you tell yourself you love it.
You could be miserable in your relationships, yet you tell yourself it’s all fine.
You could be sick and tired of being walked on, yet you justify it with your twisted morality instead of finding the courage to stand up for yourself.
You’re probably full of shit.
You are probably a liar.
That’s all there is to it.
Face your problems.
Be brave.
Actually confront what is making you so unhappy because it is NOT NORMAL to be miserable all the time.
If you are miserable all the time then SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH YOUR LIFE.
Do You Understand?
You don’t need pills and self-help books and meditation.
You need honesty.
You NEED to be honest with yourself and sort your life out if you are miserable.
You need to become crystal clear on what you actually want and then you need to compare that with what you have, because most people are not doing what they truly want and they are lying to themselves in order to avoid accepting this truth.
That’s why they are miserable - it’s common sense.
I’ve seen people with lifestyles that are literally terrible, tell me to my face that they love their life – one of those idiots was ME.
Bullshit.
You’re a liar.
You are a liar.
Nobody loves waking up at 4am and driving two hours to get to work and then driving two hours to get all the way home after a long day of slaving away at something they don’t even enjoy.
Are you insane?
No, you’re not insane – you know you don’t like it and you’re just a fucking liar who won’t be honest with yourself..
You wonder why you are miserable.
You wonder why you feel lost.
Look at the OBVIOUS signs.
Look at how you live your life.
You know, it’s actually ok to admit to yourself that you want things better than everyone else has them.
You don’t have to feel bad about doing what you want.
It’s ok to be selfish and put your well being first and do what’s best for you and be happy and live your life how you actually want to live it.
The people who hate their lives and don’t do what they want will hate you for it and they can get fucked.
That’s what you should do if your unhappy and miserable.
You should start being selfish and you should put your well being first.
Forget what everyone else thinks is right and wrong.
Unless they have a life you would like to live, do not listen to them because they are probably a liar just like you are.
As long as you’re not being evil and you’re being a good person – do whatever the hell is going to make you feel better before you end up completely fucked and you kill yourself.
Seriously.
When I lived in that house, I did not put myself first - I put someone else and their bullshit first.
I was not taking care of myself.
I was not putting my well being first.
I was not making my personal boundaries clear and I was not maintaining my self-respect.
What Happened As A Result?
I lost my shit and almost threw him out the window.
This is what happens when you avoid problems.
This is what happens when you refuse to face and accept the truth.
If you are miserable and unhappy and depressed right now – turn around and face the obvious shit that is making you miserable.
Maybe you’re meant to be painting pictures in France – but you’re an accountant instead.
That’s bullshit – listen to your gut instinct!
Maybe you’re meant to be an entrepreneur who builds businesses all day long - but you’re studying medicine instead.
That’s bullshit – pick something and start building it today!
Maybe you’re meant to be a skateboarder or photographer or professional barista – but you’re laying pipe and pouring concrete instead.
That’s bullshit – lace up your Nikes, crank the Ramones and hit the skate park.
Forget the money and forget the status because it means nothing if you’re miserable.
Find what makes you happy and find what fills your heart with joy – then forget everything else and just do that until you die because that’s a life lived well and that’s a life you will enjoy.
So..
Maybe you are completely full of shit and you AVOID the truth about yourself.
Maybe that’s why you’re so unhappy.
You’re a liar and you need to face the truth.
So face THE TRUTH.
Start by asking yourself this every single day:
What Am I Avoiding?
Be honest.
You will know when you have been honest because you will feel a deep sense of relief.
Or.
Continue suffering.
Your choice.
Until Next Time.
Filed under · Motivation
