From the Desk of Maverick Brenton.
Subject: Notes on Overcoming Heartbreak.
If you are lucky, at some point as a young man you will get to experience having your heart broken by a woman. In your teens, early twenties, or maybe even late twenties. This is the ideal time for it to happen because for many of us it is the only way to learn how relationships with women actually work.
Why do I say…if you are lucky?
As if it is a blessing and not a curse? Because it is a blessing, and it’s not a curse. Breaking up with a girl you “love” or better yet, being dumped by a girl you “loved” - is probably one of the best things that can happen to a young man.
I experienced it twice.
The first time she left me because I was a loser.
The second time I left her because I had to go become a man.
Both experiences transformed me into a stronger version of myself, matured my perspective, and made me capable of seeing the world from a more realistic and accurate perspective. This is because both experiences were very painful emotionally, and I was a lost little boy who didn’t know how to handle it.
I thought these women were the centre of my universe, I had made them the centre of my universe, and this is why neither of them worked out. Back then I did not understand what I understand now, which is why it was so difficult.
At the time you feel like your world has ended. There’s a biological chain of events that happens within a man when he realises his woman is no longer loyal, or she is leaving, or it is over, or he finds out she is not what he “thought” she was. It’s wired into your brain, and unless you can have a strong father figure to teach you how to handle women, then you will probably have to learn the hard way like I did.
Most guys never learn though. They end up in relationships with women that they don’t want to be with, they chase after women for most of their life instead of learning how to be chased, they do stupid shit that has serious consequences for many years, they have no life of their own or true interests, they make girls the sole focus of their existence, and they are continually let down and disappointed by the outcome of doing this.
Listen; females are not what you think they are, they are what they are, and what they are is no different than what they were hundreds of years ago. We are animals at the core. So get the Disney fairytale bullshit out of your head before you find out your little princess is sucking someone else’s dick because you’re a loser who brings nothing to the table except man tits and body odour.
I’ve had a lot of relationships with women. In my early years they were unsuccessful. I did not understand how to interact with them or keep them around. I didn’t even know what I wanted with a woman.
I was like most young men are today; willing to be with anything that looks good and will have sex with them. I was a fuck boy, which is not a good strategy in the modern world. Women can destroy your life if you are not careful. You need to be smart, calculated, develop yourself into a strong, valuable man and do the work required….or else you’re in for a very hard time.
With social media and the modern dating marketplace, you can’t be average and expect to be successful with women. They have too many options now. The bar has been raised. You are competing with a larger pool of men and the game is more difficult. You don’t want to become something you are not in order to get a woman, but you DO want to become the absolute best version of yourself.
So….how do you deal with heartbreak, if and when it happens, as a young man?
At first you are going to feel like you have nothing to live for and that life is over. For some guys it literally is and they commit suicide. A woman’s rejection hits so hard and deep for some men that they cannot take it, and so they end their life. Oftentimes this is when he has built his entire existence around her, and she has become a single point of failure for his life. He has no career, he has no physique, no money, no options, no male brotherhood or support network.
This is the guy who spends every weekend curled up with her watching Netflix. Has no hobbies. Does nothing but hang out with his girl and do whatever she wants to do. So when she leaves he is completely fucking lost, out of shape and has nothing to his name. These type of men deserve what they get. That might sound harsh, but I mean it and have no sympathy. If you are stupid enough and weak enough to live like this - then god will punish you. You’re here to build, conquer and expand. Not be a lazy piece of shit.
Other guys who maybe have a bit of a life, or a strong father figure, or are actually doing something worthwhile with their time, will probably find it a little bit easier to process being dumped by a woman. Because they have things to do, they are going somewhere, and they have not built their world around a female. But if it’s your first time experiencing a breakup, it’s still gonna suck….and that’s because you haven’t got the right knowledge or perspective yet.
You don’t yet understand that YOU as a young man have potential, and that you can make yourself into something great. You can build a life that feels incredible. Where you wake up with freedom, with cash, with a top tier physique, and can do whatever you damn well please.
Breakups can either turn you into a sad little puppy, or they can make you into a beast. My first breakup where she left me, turned me into a sad little puppy. I still went to the gym and hung out with the boys at my boarding school, but I was super depressed. Pretty normal for a 15 year old, so don’t judge yourself if this is you. You’re only young, you don’t have any experience, it’s normal.
The second breakup in my early twenties, where I left her, was just as difficult. I was sad as fuck because this girl was great. Yet I was still too young and inexpericenced to handle her properly. Tight, cute, 18 years old, it was great. But I left her to move across the country and become a deep sea diver which was an experience that quadrupled my growth as a man and made me into who I am today.
To deal with leaving her…I went ALL IN on my skills, my fitness, living life, having experiences and preparing myself for dive school. I would spend all day practicing knot tying, welding, lifting weights, running on the beach, seeing other women, going diving. I filled my life with productive activities that made me better. I moved down to Tasmania where my dive school was, lived in the mountains out of a tent, hunted, swam in ice lakes, explored forests and hunted with a bow, lived like a bum. THAT was how I dealt with a heartbreak - I levelled myself up as a man and had epic experiences.
Can you see how this is more productive than sitting around crying like a bitch and listening to sad music?
I’m not saying you are not allowed to feel the pain of her leaving, or you leaving her. This is important. You need to feel that pain. You need to sit alone on the beach watching the waves breaking, thinking about all the memories you had with her and how it’s over now. You need to embrace all of that, feel it, and accept it. Too many guys including myself often think they need to be tough as nails and hide from their pain, but in reality you need to accept it and use it for a greater good.
If you want to feel complete as a man, you need the capacity to love and to feel. You can’t just cut yourself off from the world and be ice cold. It’s not the answer, you’ll end up bitter and resentful and your life will be empty of all pleasure or meaning. The key is to be brutally tough, smart, successful, capable, but able to love and be tender at the same time - you need both to be a complete beast.
So if your girl has just left you, all I can say is GREAT.
Now you can fill in the gaps and use that pain as fuel to become a much more attractive and well rounded man. A man that she regrets leaving. Who has money, a great body, a great life, a great career or business, great friends. great everything. Use the pain to drive you forward, because if you don’t then it will eat you. The pain of rejection and losing a woman to another man will have a deep biological impact on you, and it can either drive you to high places in life or fuck you up mentally.
You make the choice of which option you want.
I think getting dumped is a great thing. I hope it happens to all of you. Because it will make you look at yourself and consider what you really need to improve. It will make you THINK….why did she leave me?
Then you can get your ass in the gym, throw around some iron and build a body of granite with arms of steel. You can expand your social circle and become better known. You can start dressing better and taking care of yourself. You can learn how to actually BE a man of value with a life worth writing about. You can grow out of this puppy love phase we all go through and learn how to handle women like a proper man who genuinely has his shit together.
Let the sad music play for a little bit, think about all the good times. Shed a tear if you need and don’t judge yourself for it. But then get your fucking ass up and get back to work because that is what it is all about. There’s plenty of other women out there and the best thing about being a man is you can do the work and get all the perks later on.
You can BUILD YOURSELF into whatever you desire.
Which is really the only answer - getting better.
Stronger. Smarter. Richer. Healthier. More capable.
Thanks for reading.
~ Maverick Brenton
Filed under · Dating
